The Self Awareness, that's what I'm looking for, that Self that is so incredible, so immaculate, coming into my awareness always, this is what I'm looking for. How do I get there from here? There are many tools that are helpful, and quite a few things that ae counter-indicated, breath, yoga, tai-chi, this writing, focused attention, all of these yield positive results in line with That, anger, resentment, hostility, appetites of any kind, self-pity, too much talking, giving reality to made up scenarios, all these are counter-indicated and to be avoided, when the mind gets all swampy you need to calm it down, look at the underlying unpleasant feeling and see what it is about, always a desire of some kind, relinquish the desire, blow its flame out, extinquish it. This will give you freedom of thought and the ability to think clearly and reasonably, admiration is a trap, it is based on illusion, there is nothing there, Love and admiration are not the same thing in this context. There is no "getting there" because it is here always; what needs to happen is the release of samskaras, vasanas, and poop. This sour/dead/glob energy, the tarpit that consumes all and turns it to poop ~ ? , surfing and the water seem to help this, electric desires may help, they go away fast so aren't a problem themselves,